Friday, November 18, 2011

Pink Slip for the 'Love choices department' (aka my heart)


(Just a humorous take on what it would be like to fire my heart)


Pink Slip for the 'Love choices department' (aka my heart)

Attention LC Department(heart):
I regret to inform you that you are being terminated from your position starting immediately. This decision was not an easy one for us but we came to this conclusion after a long deliberation. Your record is a long series of bad decisions and it has given us no other choice but to issue you your walking papers.....We just can not jeopardize the company any longer with your senseless , reckless decisions. They might seem like wise choices at the time but they ultimately damage the company as a whole in the end. We have received numerous complaints (in regards to your poor choices) from many of the other departments. The following are some of those complaints:

* Fuel Processing department (aka Stomach)- After each poor decision we are only provided with the following items in which to attempt to produce fuel; chocolate and vodka. We try our best with the resources provided but ultimately it is a losing battle because the sources of fuel end up leaving the way they came in with no chance to save any for fuel.

* Intellectual property dept (aka mind)- "We in the IPD feel that we take the biggest brunt of the fall out due to the poor decisions of the LCD(heart). After each one of the LCD's disaster decisions we are forced to work overtime. Retrieving countless scenarios in which the LCD has made poor choices, flooding the IPD'd memory bank with bad choice after bad choice and the sensory memory board is bombarded with requests of painful memories and sad songs in which to reinforce the above scenarios. Each poor decision recovery time gets longer and longer, in fact this last one it took our programmers 3 days to reboot the system.

* Ocular department (eyes) - We in the OD are also overloaded due to the poor decisions of the LCD. After each poor decision on behalf of the LCD we are flooded here . Our department is subjected to a watery bath which leaves us swollen, puffy, blood shot, and generally unsightly. The floods come and go with no advance warning and no indication on how intense or long they will be. This past poor decision caused the entire department to be flooded for 2 weeks. Something has to be done about the LCD.

So as you can see the complaints about your department were plenty and serious. We know you meant well and were also subject to some deceitful information from possible "investors" but we have given you plenty of chances to wisen up and start making better choices but that does not seem to be happening. Each time you cause more and more damage, leaving gaping holes and making the company even more vulnerable to the vultures that wish to pick us apart. So it is with a heavy heart (no pun intended) that we are asking you to pack up your things. Those things include a stapler, all the knives that you retrieved from the Back's Department but most importantly the feelings you have laying around for the last bad decision( please take those with you, we do not want that lingering around).The Love Choices department will now be integrated with the Intellectual Properties Department. Even though we know the IPD is overwhelmed with other tasks but we see no other choice in this matter. The IPD is far less emotional and will require detailed and validated proof before the next love decision is made. The IPD has stricter guidelines and an extremely rigid security clearance process so we will know that we will not be infiltrated next time by any spies, degenerates or more importantly any IMPOSTERS.
We thank you for your service and hope that you will take this free time to strengthen yourself and Grow and one day if we have a opening come available we will be sure to contact you . I would also like to pass on a favorite quote of mine. I hope it will help you in your future travels.

"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget" ~ Thomas S Szasz

My hope for you is that you be neither stupid or naive in the future. God speed.
Regards,
JB company Chairwoman

11 comments:

  1. This is so cute and clever--very relatable too! I think that I should give my own heart the pink slip too... LOL!

    Love this!

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  2. Thanks so much Marian! Yeah sometimes the whole follow your heart thing just doesnt work haha

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  3. Dear JB,
    The heart has entered the last phase of it's learning curve, and per it's morally binding contract must remain employed. Not that it's threatening to counter sue, but ...

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  4. hahahahaha Leave it to the Heart to find a way around the lay off... Thanks so much GenePool Diva, you made me really laugh!

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  5. This is very clever Jenni but I remember advice you gave me to follow my heart, something I have always found difficult to do. Plain and simple, I've been scared to, but just recently I have left it open to follow your advice after meeting someone I felt was drawn into my path. Are you telling me now to say goodbye to romance?

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  6. So clever! Such fun to read and of course, like all good satire, it contains a great deal of truth.
    I would jump up from my desk in the support department right now though and say, "It would be more acceptable to put the LCD head on probation. As part of the conditions of continued employment, all future choices must be approved by the IPD prior to actually making any verbal or implied commitment to anyone.

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  7. Too funny! The poor heart--it means well, but if it can't hack it, it can't hack it. ;O)

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  8. Loved it!! The heart always has good intentions--I know--making the firing a bit difficult I'm sure :)

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  9. What a great post! Funny and poignant .... "all the knives that you retrieved from the Back's Department" made me LOL

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  10. I can try not to be stupid but even in middle-age I can remain surprisingly naive.

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